Heart Lonely, Heart Awakening
by Sheri Kling

A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song. — Chinese Proverb

I feel like a tiny bird with a big song! — cartoonist Jerry Van Amerongen, Ballard Street

The month of February usually gets us thinking about hearts. Smallish, pink and white candy hearts with messages like "Be Mine" or "Luv U" on them or big, velvet-covered heart boxes heavy with sweet chocolate. And by the time Hallmark™ has its way with us in this romance-drenched month, we can find our hearts in various conditions — some open and flowing with love given and love received, and some closed and tight with love denied. But if we're on any kind of committed journey to authenticity and wholeness, what are we really seeking in terms of our hearts?

Well, if I have to be truthful in this moment, I can't help but admit I'm going just a little "Looney Tunes" from loneliness for true love. For most of my life, I've wanted what a lot of people want: a marriage, a family, my own little nuclear tribe. For reasons still mysterious, and despite all my best efforts at blind dating and eHarmony, it just hasn't quite turned out the way that I'd planned. (Raise your hand if you can relate... For more insight into how I REALLY feel about this part of my life, check out "The Wall of Why".

In what I'm sure was a non-coincidental moment, I recently picked up an old book that churches used to use for small groups called Living the Adventure: Faith and 'Hidden' Difficulties by Keith Miller and Bruce Larson (Word Books, 1975). Its first chapter is entitled "Loneliness and Rejection." (Guess they didn't believe in starting with the small talk!) As Miller reflects on this topic, he writes:

I realized as I sat at my window looking out on the beach, that the deepest kind of loneliness is universal and hits us again and again at each stage of life. I saw that no success, no loving wife or husband or intimate embrace or tender kiss, no community, no man or woman or child will ever be able to satisfy our desire to be released from our lonely condition. But this truth is so painful that we have repressed it, and some people will not allow themselves to experience their existential loneliness.

Instead, we fantasize the perfect marriage or ideal church rather than face the truth of our existence. So we keep hoping that one day we will find the friends who will really understand, the woman, or the man, who will bring peace to our restless life, the job in which we can fulfill our potential, the book which will explain it all, and the place where we can really feel at home... But this refusal to accept the reality and basic givenness of our human loneliness leads us to make exhaustive demands on ourselves and the people around us. And finally we may become bitter and hostile when we start discovering that nobody and nothing can live up to our total expectations to save us from loneliness.

("Fine, Keith, just shatter every illusion I have left," she says woefully.)

So here I am, stuck in the corner between the wall of my strong desire for love and the wall of my husband-less reality. In no uncertain terms, I would love to find that true companion. But beyond the externals that I have little control over, what I really yearn for is peace and acceptance of my reality — no matter what that reality might be. But how do I get out of this tight, airless corner?

As a songwriter, the only thing I know to do is to write and to sing my way to an open place. There's a Chinese proverb that says "A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song." So I sing about the heart, and about this vision of an awakened heart that can remain faithful and peaceful in the face of disappointment.

Several years ago, I was on a trip to the San Francisco Bay area and visited a good friend from college. We spent a lot of time catching up, talking about our lives, our dreams, our disappointments, our journeys. Our conversations were not at the surface; we dug down into the heart of the discussion.

The next day, my friend took me hiking in Mt. Tamalpais State Park. We packed a kite and a lunch, and walked and walked out to a spot he swore was worth it. I thought we'd never get there, but finally, a lone tree stood on a hill high above the Golden Gate Bridge and the blue water. It was a crystal clear day and there wasn't another soul in sight. The silent wind blew so strongly that we just had to stand and let the kite go, and it flew right up into the sky.

From this place, I felt I could see so far and so clearly. After all the walking and talking, it was the perfect bit of perspective. And then when I turned to look at the sign that was hanging from the tree, I saw that this holy place was called "Waking Woman of the Heart Mountain." That shortly became a song that still rings true for me and that helps me to move out of the airless corners and into the open.

And so I share these words with you, and wish you joy and air and an awakened heart. Let It Unfold

Waking Woman of the Heart
by Sheri Kling

Standing barefoot on the shore,
the black of the sky and the black of the sea,
I only came to find some peace,
But now I'm frightened of this space
And rooted to this place.

Waking Woman of the Heart,
I climbed to the edge, and journeyed within.
Flying kites and grounded shoes,
How can I see for miles and still feel so blind?

Always reaching and always searching
Never knowing that I was going too far,
Too far away from home.

Chorus:

Now I'm free to laugh and free to cry
Free to smile and not say why
Free to stay and free to go
Free to stand on things I know
I'm free to fall and free to dance
Free to touch and take a chance on love
Of the heart...Waking Woman of the Heart.

I wonder just how many times
I've pulled back the reins for fear of the race?
So many chances never played,
How many lovers and how many friends?
Stop the talking and start the listening
Stop the walking and start the living again.
Living my own life.

(chorus)

Time to listen and time to dream
What I'm living is what I've seen in my mind.
I've seen it in my mind.

(chorus)

Sheri Kling is an accomplished singer-songwriter, guitarist and inspirational speaker who weaves together positive music and vivid stories to create uplifting concert experiences. In concerts and workshops, Sheri uses her heart-rooted and spirit-seeking music and story to share common truths about the journey toward wholeness and passionate, authentic living. Sheri has now released three CDs, is president of her own record label, HeartSprings Music, and production company and is senior producer of the Mythic Journeys conferences.

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